meditate on that

I've been doing meditation, or rather trying to do it, for a couple of weeks now, 20 minutes once a day. Hard enough to pin myself down to those few minutes, and then when I do it I spend the whole time trying to stop myself thinking, noticing sounds (a bird singing, footsteps), sensations ( an itch, my foot going to sleep), sights (even with my eyes closed - points of light or colours). Incredible how many thoughts can pass through the mind in a fraction of a second.
Nevertheless, in between all these distractions I've had some glimpses of a still centre within and of something beyond and apart from all the noise and mayhem. The best moments are when I can relax into it and sort of listen to the stillness, like using my whole person as an ear! And not straining to be still, just letting it happen. Its a bit like singing or dancing. If you're trying its no good. You have to learn some basic technique, and practise, but what makes it graceful and soaring is when it becomes an effortless and unselfconscious act. And its like allowing yourself to be empty and being filled by the song, or the dance or whatever.
My powers of concentration are poor. I've been trying to do that technique where you focus on the breathing and count every exhalation from 1 to 10. I've never got beyond 4 without thoughts interfering and having to start from number 1 again. Usually I get to 1 or 2 if I'm lucky. Still it seems to be having a really noticeable effect on me already.
I feel very energised, almost speedy, and light, less hungry than usual and a bit fierce actually, argumentative, intense.
It mightn't all be the meditation, but some of it at least can be traced to that. My state of mind, being so focussed on sort of pushing through the veils, reminds me of previous times when I was smoking a lot of dope ( I havent smoked now for 20 years), doing acid, (ditto) and oddly, being in love. That sort of intense yearning for soemthing .
I'll come back to this.